Thank you Apple for making it much easier to spot a*seholes
The earbuds batched in with iPhones are terrible.
They rightly get abuse for not offering sound quality, being pretty leaky and being the bare minimum batched in with a premium product.
But the people wearing them cannot be blamed. They’re included with the iPhone for no extra cost, there’s no active choice there and it’s saving money.
But there is a special type of a*sehole who forks out £160 for a pair of Airpods. Most Apple products are strong, the MacBook Pro and the iPhone itself are industry-leading products.
You can accept the steep price-tag because of the quality of the product.
Airpods look and sound like you utterly hate music and you’re just messing with people before you get your real headphones out to actually listen to songs.
They sound terrible, they’re expensive, they’re unsuitable for exercise (it’s a split between people saying they never fall out and reviewers who say they fall out straight away), they make you look stupid and you can actually make yourself look better with a folded-up cigarette.
That’s not a compliment. My phone of choice is the iPhone but that is because of its functionality and its software.
You have chosen to buy into the Apple culture not because the hardware or the software is better but because you’re making some sort of ‘statement’ about who you are.
You’re an idiot and you have instantly identified yourself as a person who probably is not worth knowing and/or has some deep seated insecurity about being noticed.
You are outing yourself as a person willing to spend £160 on headphones without ever wanting to hear good music.
They, according to a host of reviewers, ‘lack detail and dynamic subtlety’, they ‘don’t sound as good as they should for the price’ and are ‘U-G-L-Y’, they ‘make listening to music or podcasts very difficult, even at hearing-damaging volumes’.
Having a good battery life is not a selling point for £160 nor is being able to sync with an iPhone. Everything else can do that.
All this makes you an a*sehole with too much money to waste on a terrible product just to look like you’re an Apple fanboy or fangirl.
You are that person at the front of a gig filming it instead of listening properly and/or talking loudly with your ‘mates’. You own one expensive jacket that you’re desperate to tell everyone where you bought it from and for how much.
You are that person uploading that selfie on Instagram for the third time in the hope that somebody, anybody, likes it.
Nobody likes it.
Wearing Airpods is pretty much a cry for help.
If you want good quality, buy the Sennhesier Momentum Free Wireless for £10 more, they’re a work of brilliance. If you want truly wireless, get similar if not slightly better quality earbuds for £32 from SmartOmi.
Well done, you’ve just saved £130. With that, you can buy 2.75 Amazon 7” Fire tablets or 20% of an iPad Pro.
You’d be richer. And you’ll be a better person for it.
Because you might actually finally listen to music in the way it was meant to be listened to.
The other side of the pod
By Jasper Hamill, science and technology editor, Metro.co.uk
I’ve used the Airpods ever since they were first released and I still marvel at them.
To me, there’s something almost magical about a pair of earphones which are the size of two large fizzy cola bottle sweets, yet perform tasks which would have once required a suitcase-worth of technology.
Until the Airpods, I’d never enjoyed using wireless headphones, which had an annoying tendency to flake out in the middle of songs and were clunky and difficult to set up.
Apple’s tiny gadgets keep a limpet-like connection with the iPhone and are connected by simply flipping up the lid of their case, which is about the size of a packet of dental floss.
I carry mine with me wherever I go – because they’re so small I forget I have them in my pocket.
In fact, they are so petite that when I’m using them to chat away on the phone I get sideways glances from everyone around me, because they think I’m talking to myself.
The AirPods are one of the most innovative products Apple has ever released and, in future, I think they will be regarded as an under-sung design classic.
They are small and perfectly formed. Sorry Alex. I must be an a*sehole – and I bet millions of other people are too, judging by the incredible sales over the past year.